The Truth About Perfectionism and Why It Isn’t a Good Thing
Our society has a seemingly positive image of perfectionism. As a matter of fact, we seem to absolutely adore such a mindset. It appears to be the secret behind high-quality work and successful people. However, this month I learned otherwise.
(Spoiler alert! — I discovered that perfect doesn’t exist.)
Honestly, I would have deemed myself as a so-called “perfectionist” as well. But when we really take a close look at the roots of perfectionism, it starts to seem a little counterintuitive.
By definition (according to my trusty source, Google) perfectionism is the “refusal to accept any standard short of perfection.” Many of us would claim that by being perfectionists we have “high standards” and only strive to produce the best work possible.
Okay, that makes sense. It is natural to want to only show your best. But there are just a few issues with this:
- By practicing perfectionism, we constantly expect flawlessness and fear any sign of weakness or failure.
- Perfectionism leads to a rigid life of complacency and low growth.
- There is literally no such thing as “perfect.”
After going through a month of trying to understand perfectionism and avoid getting hung up on such a mindset, I decided to write an article on the hidden dark sides of perfectionism that we fail to see, and how we can avoid perfectionism while still aiming for growth.
Perfectionism vs Striving for the Best 🙅🏾♀️
Before going into perfectionism, I want to clarify something that confused me as well. I used to wonder why perfectionism wasn’t the same as having high standards and striving to do your best.
First of all, by practicing perfectionism, the focus isn’t on growth at all. It’s all about looking, feeling, and being perfect. When you aim to be perfect, you aim to make no mistakes and refuse to reveal any of your flaws. Failure is not an option.
However, by striving for the best and obtaining a growth mindset, you’re focused on making healthy achievements and growing. You’re willing to make mistakes and grow for them, and you set goals and standards that are high, but low enough for you to reach. As you meet each standard/goal, you set the bar higher and higher, learning along the way, and getting better each time.
This is why I described how perfectionism leads to a “rigid” life. You’re stuck in your own definition of perfect, and you aren’t growing because you refuse to make mistakes.
Now that I’ve clarified that, onto the rest of the article!
The Several Sources of Perfectionism 🔍
In a psychological study performed by Thomas Curran at the University of Bath and Andrew Hill at York State University, three types of perfectionism were identified:
- Self-Oriented Perfectionism
- Other-Oriented Perfectionism
- Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism
Self-Oriented Perfectionism 🙍🏾♀️
This is the kind of perfectionism that comes from within ourselves. It’s caused by our irrational desire to be “perfect.” With self-oriented perfectionism, we have this vision of what a perfect version of ourselves would seemingly be and spend so much time trying to obtain it. The bar for “high-standards” is set so impossibly high that achieving it isn’t realistic.
I have always pushed myself to earn perfect grades and be the perfect student. Anything lower than an A was disappointing, and mistakes were most definitely not allowed. By not allowing myself to make mistakes or just be, you know, a normal kid, I felt so incredibly pressured. I aimed to be the smart pretty and popular girl that everyone loved on TV. I had to be perfect.
Such internal pressures put an incredible amount of stress on people. They come from our fear of how people will view us if we appear as anything less than perfect. So we push ourselves, aiming for an unattainable vision.
Other-Oriented Perfectionism 👩👩👦👦
This type of perfectionism is actually not from ourselves. This is the perfectionism caused by the standards we impose on others in society. Most of the time, it’s not direct or intentional. It’s caused by the way society has shaped our understanding of the world around us.
For example, on TV we have become so used to seeing what the “perfect” model looks like. They are slim and beautiful. So when we see someone outside of that definition of perfect we feel uncomfortable and disapprove.
You see, this type of perfectionism is a result of individuals placing unrealistic ideals and standards of perfection upon others, rather than ourselves. It stems from what society has taught us and forces all others to fit into the definition of perfect.
Socially-Prescribed Perfectionism 👀
This type of perfectionism stems from our belief that we must be perfect for others. This can be due to our individual perceptions, rather than the actual truth. We might believe that the people around us want us to be perfect. As a result, we go through extensive lengths and set more unrealistic standards on ourselves.
Socially-prescribed perfectionism can also come from actual expectations from others. Our society values “perfect.” This concept of having to be great all the time actually pushes us to conform to existing standards so that we can be considered perfect. We value being liked, and in order to do that, we feel that we have to be perfect.
But when we take a second and step out of the box of the perfectionist mindset, we see that it has negative impacts on our ability to function.
The Traits of a Perfectionist and the Effects 📝
Perfectionism doesn’t just place an unnecessary amount of stress on us, but it also holds us back from reaching our full potential.
With perfectionism, “good enough” is never sufficient. We become incredibly stressed by the possibility of not creating perfect material. The idea of failure makes us anxious and scared, and mistakes are unacceptable.
Going back to my reference to a “rigid” life, perfectionists are stuck where they are because:
- They are too comfortable with their idea of perfect (complacent)
- They are afraid to try things they may fail at (fragile)
- They refuse to complete work until they believe it’s perfect (refusal) 🤪
All of these three traits combined restrict the possibility of growth. What I realized was that by being a perfectionist I really wasn’t benefitting. As a matter of fact, all I did was put myself in a comfortable environment where I believed I could be viewed as perfect. I hated the idea of failure, so I never tried new things. I never got anything done because, for me, it wasn’t done until it was perfect.
When you put yourself in such a situation, how can you expect to learn and grow? How can you expect yourself to improve your ability to write if you never write anything, just because you’re scared it isn’t perfect?
By avoiding these three traits of perfectionism, you are able to expose yourself to different environments and actually get better at the things you do. Not only do you feel less stressed by the pressure of being perfect, but you also give yourself the opportunity to work towards a better version of yourself. That version will be in no way perfect — not even close! (Sorry to break it to you.) Because perfect doesn’t exist.
Switching From a Perfectionist View to a Growth Mindset 🚀
Okay, so we’ve finally concluded. Perfection doesn’t exist. It’s just a vague concept that was made up by society. Here are some of the tips that I personally used to become less of a perfectionist, and employ more of a growth mindset:
1. Delete the word from your vocabulary.
Perfection who? We don’t know her. 🤷🏾
Okay, but seriously. Just forget about the word. This actually works. Removing words from your dictionary is seriously powerful. Write down every single time you think or say the word perfect, and every day try to get that number down.
2. Make a decision and stick to it.
I found that sometimes I wanted to have a perfect plan in order to reach my goals. I would have trouble deciding between options because I was unsure of which path was perfect. However, by just picking one (even if it required me closing my eyes and going “eeny-meeny-miny-mo”.)
Key Takeaways 🔑
- Perfectionism means you avoid flaws and failure, which doesn’t allow for growth, unlike a growth mindset.
- Perfectionism can stem from within you, pressure from others, or your fear of your image in society.
- People who believe in perfectionism are complacent, fragile, and highly critical.
- You can employ a growth mindset by erasing the word “perfect” from your vocabulary, and making decisions.
Don’t Leave Yet! 👏🏾
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